🔗 Share this article A Friend Only Ever Talks On Her Own Life: Is It Time to Cut Her Off? Our friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she has been often taken by surprise by people. Her partner left her, and it was a huge shock. A lot of close acquaintances drifted away at that point, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. This surprised her. She made more effort to be my friend, probably realised better the essence of true friendship. A Recurring Theme of Disappearance In the time since, many of her friends vanished and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job became hostile, even though she had been highly competent, she departed without knowing the reason for the change. Current Dynamics Lately, we've both retired leading to more each other more, but I am finding my role in our friendship feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she holds unyielding views. My effort is to propose factchecking and alternate views. She's been arranging a holiday abroad I have traveled to on several occasions even called home previously. My intention was to offer personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She really just desired validation of her decisions. I have come back from a month in that place she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate. Evaluating the Situation I am unwilling in this role that walks away abruptly, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the impact of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is distancing myself. What should I do? Potential Solutions You could walk away, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts. Therapists recommend applying a practical approach to handling disagreements: "Step one requires explaining the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and essentially an unbiased account. Step two is to express how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement about this. Emotions belong to you, after all. Finally involves requesting how you are both will alter the interaction in your relationship." Remember your friend has a point of view, so you need to stay open to listen to her. A helpful technique involves stating to the other person: "Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes." This can be impactful for promoting understanding. Closing Considerations This person might reject all you say, as some people hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version of their life they cannot release as it feels essential depends upon it being the only thing they trust. It's tough as there is no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out like this and then think about what you've said. And even if you never reach an agreement, it will give you closure that you've been truthful.